Today is national unfriend day, so I thought I’d post my Top Ten reasons NOT to unfriend me:
10. I sometimes wear a monster mask.
9. My son and I both wear stylish goatees:
8. I do NOT post pictures of my penis, unlike some prominent sports figures COUGH:brettfarve:COUGH
7. I smell nice:
6. The infrequency of my tweets and facebook posts is matched only by my apathy, so you can rest assured you won’t be bombarded by a constant barrage of useless drivel (oooh, i had pancakes for breakfast. mmmm yummm).
4. My past history of excessive alcohol consumption has not impaired my ability to count. Or speell.
3. 9 out of 10 dentists recommend my music during a root canal, and choosy mothers choose me (not that cheap slut Jif).
2. I make stupid movies of my pet fish, mini docu/dramas that I narrate with a phony French accent.
And finally, my number one reason to not unfriend me:
1. I give away tons of free music!
And here is a bonus reason, which brings the total to 12 (see #4 above): Why would you do anything this guy tells you to do?